Thinking Outside the Box

I was at preschool story time at our local library the other day with my girls.  There just so happened to be another twin mom there with her girls who are a few months younger than Lily and Harper.  We began chatting about twin challenges, milestones, etc.  She asked me a pretty typical "twin mom" question, "Who is your dominant?"

"Oh, Lily, without a doubt." I answered without even a moment's hesitation.  She commented how interesting it was that I would say that.  "I would have guessed the exact opposite," she said motioning to Harper who was in the middle of a big group of kids playing happily with toys.  Lily, on the other hand, was hanging pretty close to me and seemed hesitant to jump into the chaos of "play time".  I went on to explain some of my theories regarding the nuances of their emerging personalities.  But, our conversation has really caused me to think.

I think twins, obviously, present some interesting challenges to a first-time mom. But, more importantly, I have been really amazed at some of the great lessons I would have missed with just a single child.  That has been the case with this "pigeon-holing" as I refer to it.

I think it is really, really easy to start labeling our kids pretty early on - especially when you have two to "compare".  Oh, she is the athletic one or she is going to be an intellect.  I think we tend to put them in a box and I can't help but wonder how those "boxes" nudge them in one direction or another as they grow older.  The ebb and flow of Lily and Harper's personalities have taught me to not be too quick to drop them in one box or another.  Lily really stands up for herself; Harper tends to roll over when confronted.  Yet, Harper rushes into social situations without fear; Lily tends to hold back.  Who is the "stronger", more dominant personality?  Some days it can be hard to say.  Some days I think they just flat out flip-flop their personalities.

I do know this.  God has created them each uniquely.  It is up to Aaron and I to take those God-given personality traits and cultivate them.  We have to be observant and really "know" who our girls are.  But, at the same time, I don't want to limit who they are by being too quick to label them as one thing or another.  I'm going to let those little personalities continue to emerge and try not to categorize and drop each girl into their carefully labeled little box.  Here's to parenting outside the box...