Gratitude Attitude

My Monday evening Bible Study is switching gears a little bit after finishing our last study.  We are doing a book club of sorts and our first selection has been Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are  .  We are only a couple of chapters in, but already I have been convicted on so many levels.  Ann's basic premise is that many of us our not living fully due to the sin of ingratitude for what God has given us.  In Chapter 2 she says,

"As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible. Joy is always possible.  Whenever, meaning - now; wherever, meaning - here."

Joy is always possible.  Sometimes thankfulness, and in turn joy, is hard for me even in the "little" things.  So, I have been bouncing that statement around in my head the last week or so.  I needed it on Tuesday.  I was at the drugstore, ironically buying Peeps for my recent Easter project, and I got the call.  It was a call we moms all dread...Harper and Lily's teacher at our church's Mom's Day Out.  I saw her name on my phone's screen.  I groaned.  She informed me that Harper had a 102 temperature, was crying and not acting like herself.  Great.  I was enjoying my time aimlessly wandering the aisles of my favorite stores.  My attitude went south from there.

I bought my Peeps and headed out to pick up the girls.  My mind began playing out the afternoon and my worst-case-scenario mindset began to settle in.  I called the doctor and they wanted to see her due to the fact that she had been battling a double ear infection.  They had one appointment left...it would cut the girls' nap short.  Awesome.  Aaron had a busy afternoon at work and a program at church that evening, so his help was out of the question.  Great...I'd have to drag both girls out by myself. 

I picked up the girls.  Harper cried the whole way home.  Lily wouldn't eat lunch and threw her food on the floor.  I was impatient with her.  Harper was clingy and wanted to be held; at the same time Lily was demanding of my attention.  I was grumpy and hustled them off to bed for nap time.  

Sweaty and in a foul mood, I arrived at the doctor's office.  Big surprise: one ear still slightly infected and strep throat.  My day was just turning out fabulous.  I now needed to take the girls to the store and pick up a prescription, then head home, do dinner for the girls who would probably throw their entire meal on the floor and then do the bedtime routine all by myself.  As I drove home, I was having a massive pity party right there in my minivan. 

Then it hit me.  Gratitude.  I had just been reading a blog over the weekend by the mother of a little girl getting ready to check into St. Jude for treatment of her 4 brain and spinal tumors.  Perspective and gratitude.  How blessed am I that my worst-case-scenario that day was solved by a little piece of paper from the doctor that I take to a store and pay $4?  That mother whose blog I read?  What would she give if a piece of paper and $4 would "fix" her little girl?  Gratitude and joy.

Though I didn't face death or cancer or loss on Tuesday, I did face down ingratitude in the "little" things, the daily things.  I deliberately replaced ingratitude with gratitude and I found joy.  I loosened my tightened grip on the steering wheel as I drove, I turned the radio up, sang along and by the time I walked into the store I was in downright good mood.  I was kind to the pharmacist at WalMart and I didn't even mind that I got stopped 4,022 times by people wanting to look at "the twins".  That night, I made room on my lap and snuggled two little girls who both wanted me.  We read books and we gave kisses and the night was peaceful...and joyful even without Daddy home.

As I checked on my girls that "one last time" before going to bed, I reached down to feel Harper's forehead and check her temperature.  She was cool.  I thanked God silently for $4 antibiotics.